News at ScoopCrawler.com
Saturday, 13 Mar 2010
- At what point did this teacher think writing "Loser" on a sixth-grader's writing assignment was a good idea? [Dumbass]
- Problem: urban high school only has 4% reading at grade level. Solution: make school eight hours long, no girls, and give every student a wristwatch. Proof: Every single graduating senior has been accepted to college [Cool]
- Australia may lower the blood alcohol limit for motorists to .02, meaning they'd returned to the good old days when 98% of the residents were prisoners [Asinine]
- They take lobster seriously up in Maine [Scary]
- Man walks in on his girlfriend having sex with two other men and kills all three of them. Subby liked how this scenario ended last night on Cinemax better [Interesting]
- Last week: drinking may help reduce weight gain. This week: Put down the beer, fatty [Obvious]
- Protip: When special ed students start giving up on your school district, you just might have a problem [Sad]
- One in ten British children believe that the Queen invented the telephone. The remaining 90% think that she will, she will, rock you [Amusing]
- Henry Kissinger, how we're missin' you, and wishing you were here [Interesting]
- In one of those stories where it's hard to feel sorry for anyone, a Houston lawyer gets scammed out of $182,000 then sues Citibank for 'letting it happen' [Dumbass]
- Former NY high school student awarded $1.25m for being picked on. ""His high school years were destroyed...The jury found he endured 3 years of living hell." In other news, every Farker on the planet has lawyered up [Asinine]
- Photoshop this photoshoot [Photoshop]
- Goin' to a goat show, everybody. Goin' to a goat show, come on now [Amusing]
- Passed out in an idling car with your 9-year-old daughter in the back is no way to go through life, son [Asinine]
- A Chicken McNugget has seven ingredients -- and that's just the meat. You don't even want to know about the Filet-O-Fish [Scary]
- Mayor rescues kitten just in time for Caturday. "I change light bulbs for elderly people, I unblock drains and I rescue cats. It is part of being the mayor of a super city" [Caturday]
- Your mother sews socks that smell [Strange]
- Don't you hate it when your car gets towed? It's even worse when you're a funeral director and the car that just got towed still had a body inside [Dumbass]
- Lawyer makes the case that CIA drone operators are unlawful combatants [Interesting]
- Britain has spent £190,000 in an unsuccessful twelve year battle to wipe out the country's only termite colony. Apparently don't know that they could have flown in a whole team of Orkin men for 1/10th the price [Fail]
- We're getting close to tax filing time, and the question remains: If you anonymously donate $8000 worth of pot, do you still need to fill out a form 8283? [Amusing]
- I'm sorry, since we don't charge a lot for this particular dish, you cannot take your leftovers home with you. Sincerely, the management [Amusing]
- If you must impersonate a police officer, make sure you dont have a job that would make you easily recognizable. Like TV news anchor [Florida]
- Man stops two teenagers from stealing beer from his restaurant. Police arrive and arrest the two yobs. Nah just kidding, they arrest the restaurant owner for assault and battery and let the boys go [Asinine]
- Photoshop this sweeping soldier [Photoshop]
- Everyone can finally breathe easy now. A Texas man is sentenced to 35 years for 5 ounces of pot [Unlikely]
- US Court of Federal Claims rules that thimerosal-based vaccines could not have caused autism. States that claims are "was biologically implausible and scientifically unsupported". Well, that should settle everything then, right? [Followup]
- Math Teacher sentenced to [-C+π²+πlog(9/4),(-2+2e+8e²)/e] months ∈ (the prison population) for corruption of individual x where age(x) is less than 17 [Dumbass]
- Just in case you needed more proof the Obama administration is Anti-American [Obvious]
- Why so serious? Because an experimental National Zoo bat colony was wiped out [Sad]
- Women on the pill may live longer, sluttier [Cool]
- Your usual tipping debate thread, except with strippers [Interesting]
- "The drive along eerily empty ghost freeways into the ruins of inner-city Detroit is an Alice-like journey into a severely dystopian future." [Interesting]
- "...police found marijuana between his buttocks" [Amusing]
- NJ cops use dead deer as bait in sting operation to catch a large feline that apparently drops ten-dollar bills [Silly]
- Beheaded Vikings found in mass grave unearthed at Olympics construction site in London. Well, damn, I know they choked away the NFC Championship Game, but that's kinda harsh [Interesting]
- Flagstaff, Arizona has gotten more snow this winter than Anchorage, Alaska, and Buffalo, N.Y., combined [Strange]
- It's the ultimate battle between Marvel and DC in this week's Smoking Gun mugshots [Amusing]
- RE: Female teachers doing their students - "They may be having a transitional crisis in their lives and welcome the admiration of a student who essentially puts them on a pedestal" (and then drills them mercilessly) [Obvious]
- Glen Beck tells viewers to boycott "churches that preach economic and social justice." Conservative evangelical preacher advises people boycott the Crying One, and challenges Beck to a debate [Hero]
- Woman accused of stealing 500 rolls of toilet paper from her employer; she tried to talk her way out of it with security, but she wasn't charmin enough [Dumbass]
- News: College student cries discrimination after University denies class field trip. Fark: Age discrimination [Interesting]
- Full body scans mean nothing to Palm Beach TSAers. The problem is stinky feet [Misc]
- The milkman is returning, which is great news for shut-ins, horny housewives, not such good news for little Karen. I hate you, Milkman Dan [Interesting]
- Photoshop this wintry walk [Photoshop]
- Today's child stuck in a vending machine story comes to you from Perth, Australia [Amusing]
- Step right up and claim your prize Cincinnati. You are the craziest city in America [Spiffy]
- Today's needless fearmongering article to parents: going down a slide with your child on your lap can break their leg [Scary]
- Supervillain Smackdown - Joker vs Green Goblin [Interesting]
- Rudolph the Cadmium-nosed reindeer....had an atomic number 48 nooooose [Scary]
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